So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
