i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You had me at "let me see your balls"
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Randomize
