My friends, they love my intelligence
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
