you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
