drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
