Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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