i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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