im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
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