weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Randomize
