If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
