Your face is a jimmy john
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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