you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
