wakey wakey hands off snakey
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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