So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
