I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
