my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Randomize
