We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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