It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
