I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
