So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
