My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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