i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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