i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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