you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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