i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
