i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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