How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize