So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
