I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize