i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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