Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize