doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
