I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
