Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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