Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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