my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
