I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
That was before I lit my hair on fire
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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