Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
