did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
You smell like stripper and shame
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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