she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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