Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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