Rock
Scissors
Fuck
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
