I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize