He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
