I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
