Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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