Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
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