it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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