You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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