i just wanna soil my oats bro
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
