my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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