I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
