I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
