I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize