Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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