I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
