I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
