I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
