you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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