I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize