I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
