you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
