Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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