Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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