that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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