drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I don't want my vagina anymore.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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